Touhou Faithfuls!
by The Compendium of Steve
Summary: A group of weirdoes commit theft and wreak havoc in Gensokyo, all whilst SINGING! Can the Touhou ladies withstand such outlandish musicalities? Featuring the Mountain of Faith cast, and more!


**Touhou Faithfuls**

(Or, A Musically Mad Romp Through The Internet's Most Beloved Shooter Sensation!)

[Advisory Note: To be read while listening to the tune "Native Faith" from the Mountain of Faith Soundtrack]

Within the snowy corridors of Moriya Shrine, three warriors were on the verge of thief apprehension.

Sally: It's over Dramatist. Give us back Suwako's hat!

Dee: You realize that I have both the power AND the authority to blink you out of existence, or should I say wink you out?

Richter: But you never would do that. You'd just sing instead.

Dee: That's absolutely correct! Uh-HUM!!

o/ This hat, belongs, to one as worthy as me,

Who exudes, command and respect.

An orchestrator of the divine arts,

And not a producer of loli bait.

o/ She, does not, even fit the requirements,

Of being, a proper god.

She, only has a fixation for frogs

Which oddly enough I'm starting to have as well! \o

Stan: "Command and respect?" Cheh! Right! You're nowhere near as tough as Suwako is!

Sally: Get 'im!! (Suddenly a man in women's business casual swoops in)

Ex: Yo Dee! I've come to help out!

Dee: Ah, so good of you to drop by Ex.

Ex: Okay, let's get the party started!!

Sally: Crap.

Ex:

o/ Here, comes Ex! Cosplaying as Aya:

The tengu, who fights with a maple leaf.

You'll, get shredded by my cartwheel danmaku,

Don't you think these puffballs make me look cool?

o/ Yes I'm the, Wind God, Hidden in the Leaves,

Prepare, to be smattered by my greens!

Rick:

o/ But all, your attacks are the same for every character,

Stan:

o/ You broke the chain you lousy ****! \o

Ex: Jeez, tough crowd.

Dee: Well what did you expect? They are here to apprehend us after all.

Sally: That's right! (From the side rolls in a wildly spinning loli-gagger)

Nathan: Agh! Could someone please stop me!?

Ex: Hey look. Ol' Nate's trying to play Nitori.

Dee: Rather disastrously from the looks of it.

Nathan: I had just put it on; now help me already!!

Ex: Hahaha.

o/ Dressed like a kappa, but acting like hedgehog,

You spin around like your first name was Ran…

But you be throwing out cucumbers and spitting out oo-ooze,

Yet you're still Candid Friend DADADADADADADA!! \o

(Now appears the whirling Miserables)

Trey: Apotropaic apotropaic apotropaic apotropaic-

Ex: Heh, now Trey is pretendin' to be Hina Kagiyama.

Trey: Pretending? I am always like this, you know that. Apotropaic apotropaic apotropaic, (The mumbling sad man whisks away. Suddenly a storm begins to brew and the sky darkens.)

Stan: What now??

Dee: It seems we're about to experience a 100% chance of serious back-up.

Ex: Yer definitely screwed.

Richter: Great… (The thunder rumbles and the lightning strikes and through a mighty gust a formidable presence touches down on the scene. Out of a veil of turbulent miasma appears a highly decorative god she-male and his blue-white one man entourage)

Cliff:

o/ Now, I'm here, playing Kanako,

Primed, to blow away some punkos.

And with, my assistant Sanae (Played by Romi!)

You will never get a chance to breath.

o/ What? Are you, not even scared?

And you say, it's only props? Pah!

Well these ropes, will bound your smarmy a***s,

And then I shall verily f**k them up!

o/ So, then how, will it all go down?

What will, be the method for your demise?

Go and pick: Rice Porridge, Hunting Ritual,

Or maybe I'll just douse you with my Heaven's Stream.

o/ Oh, what the, you're not satisfied?

Well then I'll, go with Mountain of Faith!

Romi:

o/ But you know, Faith is for the Transient People-

Cliff:

o/ Cram it! Wait for your own solo performance! \o (Just then a group of naked pixilated females float in)

Kanako: There you are!

Richter: What the??

Nitori: These people stole our clothes and all our things except for my optical camouflage.

Nathan: Oops, forgot about that. (Takes the camo; pixels disperse)

Nitori: AIIIEEE!!!

Sally: You monsters!!

Dee: It appears the jig is up, men.

Ex: Cheese it! (The villains at large flee down the mountain, and thus our heroes find themselves partaking in a heated and whimsical chase through Gensokyo)

Romi:

o/ Cut, -ing through, the bamboo forest,

We make, for the mansion Eientei.

Hopefully, it's many corridors,

Will leave our pursuers at a loss.

o/ But, inside, we find to our dismay,

Bunny girls, hopping all around,

But then, there's one, in particular,

Whose Lunatic Eyes might spell our doom. \o

Reisen: I locked all the doors; there's no way out.

Dee: There is but one! Compendium, AWAY! (The odd lot dramatic leap and bust out through the ceiling. Enter the intrepid pursuers)

Richter: Which way did they go? (The speechless Inaba points up at the gaping hole)

Richter: Oh, right. (They leap up in haste. Off in the nearby airspace)

Dee: Quickly: To the lake of Tepes!

Ex: It's just a regular lake!

Nathan:

o/ Now, we head, for the Scarlet Devil Mansion,

And the Magical Library Voile.

Although, the resident is anemic,

She still looks cute in her jamm- \o

Patchy: Back off. (Agni Blast!)

Nathan: WAAH!!!

Cliff:

o/ And, right there, is Sakuya,

Brandishing, her trusty knives.

Though, her World is rather tough,

She can't match the Road Rolla da WRYYYYYYYY!!!! \o (Enter the Scarlet Moon)

Remilia: What have you done to my maid?

Dee: We've disturbed the mistress. Flee. (And they do so. On the lake shore the chosen three watch their quarries jet)

Stan: How are we gonna get them now? (In comes a decrepit turtle)

Genji: Climb aboard; I'll take ya. (The three are snatched and flown off in pursuit)

Sally: I didn't know you were a three-seater! (Meanwhile, in the stratosphere,)

Nathan:

o/ Where shall we go? Where shall we GO!?

Dee:

o/ Shouldn't it be obvious to you by now?

o/ There is one place, and there is no mistake,

It's the Capital City of Flowers in the SKYYY! \o (They bust through the gates of Hakugyokurou)

Dee:

o/ Gliding up all these long stairs,

Beneath the falling cherry blossom petals,

We pass by the gardener swordswoman-

Ex:

o/ Who wishes she were as hot as that chick from Heavenly Sword.

Dee:

o/ Continuing on, we climb ever higher- \o

Goodness, it's the Prismrivers!

(We turn to a live performance of those poltergeist musicians. My just marvel at their transcending majesty: Lunasta, Lyrica and Merlin playing their instruments so finely as though they wish to spirit away my soul oh I have never heard anything as hauntingly incredible as wait a minute CRAP! I forgot to narrate the rest of the chase! Gotta skip to the finale now, dang it!)

The Bad:

o/ So now, you face, The Compendium!

We, will not falter to you.

With, the assistance of fair Yuyuko,

This is where we will make our final stand.

o/ By the glow, of the, Ghost Butterfly,

You will meet, a most Fatal Sin.

Feel, like Getting Lost on a Trackless Path,

As we Reflower to a full 100 percent. (One epic screen rape later)

Dee:

o/ By golly, at last! We have won the day!

Our foes, lay beaten like dogs.

Three cheers, for the likes of ourselves,

For we are nigh unstoppab- \o (All of them get whacked on the head by a newcomer's massive halberd)

Ace: 'Fraid your dabbling privileges have been revoked guys. (Takes spiffy hat off Dee and hands it to a diminutive goddess)

Ace: Sorry for the trouble Ms. Moriya.

Suwako: I would have gotten it back myself if I hadn't put all my powers into it earlier.

Ace: Now there are just the clothes to return. I'll leave the rest up to you Suika.

Suika: Nothing says party like the rhythmic busting of skulls!

Dee: Bother…

_**END**_

Marisa: Oi; how come we weren't in this story?

Reimu: They probably had more than enough people for it. All the better; I actually enjoy not being involved.

Marisa: You would say that even though you're the main character??

Reimu: I didn't ask for that position, and all I'm saying is that it's nice to have a break every so often.

Marisa: Sheesh, and you're already a crummy enough shrine maiden.

Reimu: What was that?

Marisa: Uh, n-nothing!

**The real **_**END**_

_Remembering the glamour of musical endeavors,_

_Even moderators stray from the path of sensibility._


End file.
